What Body Language at the Table Might Be Telling You
Let’s talk social signals. In the world of Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO DBT), these are the subtle, sometimes unconscious, nonverbal and verbal cues that we exchange during social interactions. But did you know they can play a huge role in how we eat? Yes, everything from eye contact to body language at the dinner table can impact what, how, and even if we eat!
For those of us working with clients battling eating disorders, understanding these social signals is like unlocking a secret door to their eating behaviors. It’s not just about what they eat, but how they’re showing up at the table. Social signaling can actually hold the key to more meaningful breakthroughs in treatment.
Here’s where it gets cool. Have you ever asked your client, “If I were a fly on the wall, what would I have seen at dinner?” It’s such a simple question but gives you an incredible snapshot of their mealtime behaviors. Did they avoid eye contact? Were they withdrawn? Or maybe they barely engaged with the people around them? These seemingly small actions can tell you a lot about their relationship with food and others.
Once we get a handle on these social signals, the next step is to check if they match up with the client’s values. Let’s say your client’s goal is to feel more connected to their family during meals, but they keep leaving the table early. That’s a social signal right there—‘walking away’—and it gives you a perfect opportunity to focus on something bigger than just food restriction. By working on that signal, you’re getting to the root of what’s really going on.
Now, let’s talk practical tools—enter the Big 3 + 1 skill. It sounds fancy, but it’s actually super simple. The Big 3 are:
Take a deep breath
Show a closed-mouth smile
“eyebrow wag” a neat way of simply saying un-scruntch that face, raise the eyebrows and relax them!
The +1? That’s optional, but if you’re sitting you can add it—simply lean back in your chair, get relaxed! These actions aren’t just random; they send a signal to the brain that says, “Hey, it’s safe to relax and engage.” For clients who feel anxious or tense during meals, practicing the Big 3 + 1 can help them loosen up, stay at the table longer, and stay connected.
Incorporating the Big 3 + 1 into your sessions can work wonders. Not only does it help clients stay calm, but it also nudges them toward aligning their actions with their values. So, if they want to be more engaged with loved ones during mealtime, practicing this skill can make it happen.
RO DBT’s focus on social signaling is a game-changer. It can transform not only how your clients interact with food but how they interact with the people they care about. And when that happens, we see real progress.
So, clinicians, if you’re not already weaving social signaling into your work, what are you waiting for? Dive deeper into RO DBT, and help your clients unlock the power of connection—both with food and the people around them!
For dietitians:
Join the Live interactive webinar: Intro to RO DBT for Dietitians happening June 13th 2025!
Check out the RO DBT workbook to learn even more skills that can help you and your clients at all stages of recovery
Want more resources? Here’s what our dietitians recommend
